Fruit Nation

Educating Lemons

Sal always wanted to be a teacher, his wishes and dreams were consumed by thoughts of creating a better world through educating the people; he dreamed of standing before a crowded classroom, spewing intelligent views and information on various issues and arguments. This lust for teaching was only diminished by Sal’s lack of teaching skills. Though he had tried in the past, Sal was horrible at teaching and often became frustrated and angry when others did not understand his lessons.

One day, in a state of mental frustration, Sal decided that if he could not teach people he would attempt to teach produce. He set out to a produce stand a couple of blocks away from his apartment to choose his students. Upon arriving at the produce stand Sal saw a lovely display of lemons, they were polished up and shone the brightest yellow that he had ever seen. Sal chose each lemon, picking it up turning it in his hand and looking for imperfections in the little fruits, when he had picked a dozen, he gave the small paper bag which was bulging with lemons, to the cashier to total his purchase.

Sal was happy; he walked happily, whistling, down the sunny sidewalk that led to his home. He nodded and smiled at every passerby, sometimes getting a smile back, sometimes producing a nervous look in the recipient. He came to the small apartment building which was wedged in among the townhouses that lined the street. Sal rushed up the steps and entered the building in such a hurried fashion that he startled the mail lady who was shuffling the various letters, magazines, and other such correspondence, into each little numbered cubby hole.

“You’re in a hurry today” Exclaimed the mail lady.

“Got to get to class!” Sal blurted.

The mail lady handed Sal his letters while giving him an odd look; Sal hurried up the stairs to his apartment, shoved in his key, turned the knob, and entered, shutting the door hastily causing a picture of his family to fall off the wall and shoot shattered glass across the floor.

“Dammit!” Sal shouted as he hurriedly placed the small bulging bag of lemons onto his kitchen table. The small bag tipped over immediately allowing several of the little yellow fruits to escape its confines and roll across the table. Sal stopped and turned in his tracks, shuffling back to the kitchen table to rescue the escaping lemons from their demise of plummeting to the floor. He gathered the little lemons into a circle in the middle of the table, making sure of no escape, and then hurried back to sweep up the glass from the broken family portrait.

Sal dug out a lesson plan that he had been working on for years, he was anxious to get started teaching and lecturing the lemons in his philosophies of life. First off he lined the lemons up on the table, but when they kept falling over, he became frustrated and put the lemons on his sofa, all lined up and facing him with the attention of good pupils.

Sal began his lessons; he started with historical references to fine art and its influence on modern society. A few minutes into the lecture Sal noticed that some of the lemons were no longer paying attention and had dozed off, obviously from the comfort of the sofa and not the soporific momentum of his teaching content. Sal became very angry and started to yell at the students, the lemons ignored him. He pointed to one of the lemons which was now awake and staring horrifically at Sal.

“I demand attention!” Sal screamed as he pointed raucously to the small fruit he had selected to make example of. The lemon ignored him. Hal, in a fit of contextual rage, grabbed the small lemon from the sofa and threw it across the room. The little fruit hit a ceramic elephant poised in the corner of the room; its small shell exploded in such a furry there were seeds and pulp all over the decorative pachyderm.

The room became quiet as Sal sorted his heavy sobbing steps toward the remnants of the little yellow fruit that lay motionless on the floor in front of his television.

Sal fell to the floor, “Oh my God, what have I done?” he sobbed out as he cradled the little ravaged carcass of his student. Sal attempted to stuff the seeds and pulp back into the lemon as he cried tears of loss, but it was of no use, the little lemon was gone, its essence banished to the unknown. Sal set there, on the floor for a long time; he considered a new view of his teaching skills, all the attempts he had made, the let downs he had, and the death threats he had received from past students. His dream was over; he finally realized the doom to his wishes and the end of his efforts to become a teacher.

Sal arose from the floor, still cradling the small squished lemon; he placed the shattered body of the little fruit in his garbage can and then proceeded to pick up the rest of the lemons, which were still in shock over the loss of their comrade, and placed them each on the kitchen counter. The remaining lemons began to get nervous when Sal produced a blender from under the counter and arranged it upon the counter to the side of where the frightened fruit lay. One by one Sal chose each fruit, disemboweling it in front of the others. Some of the fruit passed out with fear, others found themselves in a mental coma, while most screamed and yelled as they witnessed the horrific slaying of their friends.

Sal was finally finished slaying the once pupils, now products of beverage, and added a cup of sugar to the blender which was full of lemon pulp. He selected “juice” on the small processor and pushed the little red start button. The lemon flesh began to turn into a fine sweetened liquid as the small metallic blades induced mayhem upon the contents. Sal turned the juicer off and poured a large glass of lemon juice, putting it to his lips and taking a long refreshing drink.

Sal put the empty glass upon the kitchen counter as he scooped up the lemon skins and placed them into the garbage. Sal suddenly chuckled out, “when life gives you lemons”, and then he fell into an uncontrollable fit of evil laughter.